2008 Woodie Awards
Snow job loads on extra days
Lemony Snicket
Issue date: 4/4/08 Section: April Fool's Day
Midterms are over, flip-flops are making a comeback and temperatures are rising as students look in anticipation toward the light at the end of the tunnel: summer break.
However, in a cruel twist of a fate, a recent announcement by Saint Louis University's Board of Trustees will delay students' freedom by an additional two weeks, tacking on the extra time in response to the snow day earlier in the academic year.
"We felt that the amount of undeserved relaxation combined with the ratio of student-to-inches of snow and a bunch of financial mumbo-jumbo that I don't really understand merited an extension of the school year," said Board member Anita Life.
"Also, we just really hate students, obviously. I think they're well aware by now that the Board and the administration exist solely to make their punky lives difficult."
The announcement that finals will not end until May 26 was met with dismay by many students, including senior Tila Tequila, a biology and biomedical engineering double-major.
"I, like, couldn't believe that we have extra classes, I was, like, 'Hey girl, hey, what is the deal with that?'" she said. "I'm probably going to drop out, out of protest. Plus, biology is hard."
Others, like freshman Raven-Symoné, were unperturbed by the news.
"After my college search last summer, delaying my return home is fine with me," she said.
Life said that another reason for the extra school days was to make up for the deficits that developed in the budget after the University had to inexplicably replace hundreds of cafeteria trays that went missing on the snow day. Life said that she suspects either foul play, sledding or a combination of the two as being responsible for the mysterious disappearances,
"Students having fun is bad enough, but students having fun at a very infinitesimal expense of the University? I won't stand for it," she said, sitting down at her desk. "I've got the Department of Public Safety on their case, though. We'll see how they sled out of an expulsion hearing."
Department of Public Safety Director Viola Morado declined to comment on the case.
However, in a cruel twist of a fate, a recent announcement by Saint Louis University's Board of Trustees will delay students' freedom by an additional two weeks, tacking on the extra time in response to the snow day earlier in the academic year.
"We felt that the amount of undeserved relaxation combined with the ratio of student-to-inches of snow and a bunch of financial mumbo-jumbo that I don't really understand merited an extension of the school year," said Board member Anita Life.
"Also, we just really hate students, obviously. I think they're well aware by now that the Board and the administration exist solely to make their punky lives difficult."
The announcement that finals will not end until May 26 was met with dismay by many students, including senior Tila Tequila, a biology and biomedical engineering double-major.
"I, like, couldn't believe that we have extra classes, I was, like, 'Hey girl, hey, what is the deal with that?'" she said. "I'm probably going to drop out, out of protest. Plus, biology is hard."
Others, like freshman Raven-Symoné, were unperturbed by the news.
"After my college search last summer, delaying my return home is fine with me," she said.
Life said that another reason for the extra school days was to make up for the deficits that developed in the budget after the University had to inexplicably replace hundreds of cafeteria trays that went missing on the snow day. Life said that she suspects either foul play, sledding or a combination of the two as being responsible for the mysterious disappearances,
"Students having fun is bad enough, but students having fun at a very infinitesimal expense of the University? I won't stand for it," she said, sitting down at her desk. "I've got the Department of Public Safety on their case, though. We'll see how they sled out of an expulsion hearing."
Department of Public Safety Director Viola Morado declined to comment on the case.
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