2008 Woodie Awards
Nickelback to replace Tyler Hilton, Augustana, Chingy and The Starting Line as Chaifetz opener
Yogi Berra
Issue date: 4/4/08 Section: April Fool's Day
The stars aligned, birds sang and the dreams of all Saint Louis University students were realized when the Student Activities Board managed to pull off one of the greatest bookings in school history: Nickelback-featuring Chad Kroeger and his luscious spiral curls-will dominate the Spring Fever concert on April 26.
"It was tough, but we knew that we had to pull out the big bucks to book the number-one band in the history of the world," SAB President Chingy said. (The rapper was forced to look for other work after he lost the Spring Fever job.) "No one can be disappointed with this booking. No one."
In order to pay for Nickelback, SAB had to use their entire budget for the spring festival. Tyler Hilton, Augustana, Chingy and The Starting Line, the previously booked acts, will not be appearing. In addition, the title for the event has been changed from "Rock, Rap, and Rawhide" to "OMG Yes!"
"It is a lot of money for one band, but they are worth every penny, right thurr," Chingy said. "I mean, they are the greatest rock band of our time, if not the history of music. Word."
Many students were shocked by the news.
"What the hell?" asked sophomore Rachel Dither, confused and overwhelmed with joy and some sense of merriment.
"I am so pissed," said sophomore Lauren Unevens. "I am pissed that they didn't announce this earlier so that I could secure front-row seats, start making my 'Nickelback 4 Lyfe' signs and make sure I get my Chad Kroeger tattoo in time for the show."
In addition to cutting costs through the performing acts, the carnival that was supposed to take place is now defunct. As the Canadian rock band charges per song performed, the cost of holding the carnival would have meant that Nickelback could only play four songs; now, with the added revenue, the band will play four and the chorus of a fifth-a choice Chingy called "obvious, duh."
Finally, in hopes of attracting more students-though, the band change will likely take care of that-SLU President Borance J. Beyondme, H.I., has instituted an "all students must attend" policy to the concert. Though the current consequences for missing out on the event have not been publicly stated, a reliable, unknown source has told The University News that it will likely result in either expulsion or some sort of lengthy suspension.
The new tickets will go on sale Sunday, April 6, through MetroTix.com. Students who have already purchased the free student tickets that went on sale last week will be expected to pay a $45 fee, the price of a new ticket. A SLU ID must be presented. General admission tickets will be $80 through the website and $90 at the door. Doors open at 5 p.m., with the concert beginning at 6 p.m. and ending approximately at 6:18 p.m.
"It was tough, but we knew that we had to pull out the big bucks to book the number-one band in the history of the world," SAB President Chingy said. (The rapper was forced to look for other work after he lost the Spring Fever job.) "No one can be disappointed with this booking. No one."
In order to pay for Nickelback, SAB had to use their entire budget for the spring festival. Tyler Hilton, Augustana, Chingy and The Starting Line, the previously booked acts, will not be appearing. In addition, the title for the event has been changed from "Rock, Rap, and Rawhide" to "OMG Yes!"
"It is a lot of money for one band, but they are worth every penny, right thurr," Chingy said. "I mean, they are the greatest rock band of our time, if not the history of music. Word."
Many students were shocked by the news.
"What the hell?" asked sophomore Rachel Dither, confused and overwhelmed with joy and some sense of merriment.
"I am so pissed," said sophomore Lauren Unevens. "I am pissed that they didn't announce this earlier so that I could secure front-row seats, start making my 'Nickelback 4 Lyfe' signs and make sure I get my Chad Kroeger tattoo in time for the show."
In addition to cutting costs through the performing acts, the carnival that was supposed to take place is now defunct. As the Canadian rock band charges per song performed, the cost of holding the carnival would have meant that Nickelback could only play four songs; now, with the added revenue, the band will play four and the chorus of a fifth-a choice Chingy called "obvious, duh."
Finally, in hopes of attracting more students-though, the band change will likely take care of that-SLU President Borance J. Beyondme, H.I., has instituted an "all students must attend" policy to the concert. Though the current consequences for missing out on the event have not been publicly stated, a reliable, unknown source has told The University News that it will likely result in either expulsion or some sort of lengthy suspension.
The new tickets will go on sale Sunday, April 6, through MetroTix.com. Students who have already purchased the free student tickets that went on sale last week will be expected to pay a $45 fee, the price of a new ticket. A SLU ID must be presented. General admission tickets will be $80 through the website and $90 at the door. Doors open at 5 p.m., with the concert beginning at 6 p.m. and ending approximately at 6:18 p.m.
Be the first to comment on this story