2008 Woodie Awards
Film based on life of SLU president
Buck Naked
Issue date: 4/4/08 Section: April Fool's Day
The administration announced today that they will use $20 million of students' tuition money to finance the production of Beyondme Borders, a film loosely based upon the life of University President Borence Beyondme, H.I. The announcement ends months of speculation from the St. Louis film-making elite.
Early reports indicate that Beyondme himself seems primed to take the reigns as screenwriter and director, though he plans to maintain control of the set not through his own presence, but through the assistance of several vice writers and vice directors who will make his wishes known to the rest of the film's cast and crew.
While casting for the film's illustrious lead are only just beginning, several actors are chomping at the bit to don Beyondme's vestments-for the role of a lifetime.
Sources close to Beyondme believe he will follow in avant-garde director Todd Hanes' footsteps. Hanes directed 2007's I'm Not There, Please Call Back in Five Minutes, which featured several different actors playing singer-songwriter Blob Dylan. Different actors Beyondme is considering to portray him during different times of his life include Brad Pitt, Daniel Craig, Kathy Bates and Lily Tomlin.
Paula Pupil, a prominent student leader and avid movie buff, will be in line to buy tickets when Beyondme Boarders becomes the blockbuster of the summer of '08. "I'm really excited to see the scene where Beyondme roundhouse kicks a pirate who's about to kidnap the Billiken Bush," Pupil said, referencing the excerpt from the screenplay that has leaked onto the Internet. "I've already pre-ordered my Beyondme action figure."
In order to begin production, University Spokesman Jeff Poultry said the University will have to construct a studio. Plans are currently under way to demolish Greasydeck Hall, which currently houses more than half of the freshman class. Cruisin Finally, director of Housing and Residence Life, said that, while there is nowhere else to house the thousands of students this project will displace, "we'll figure something out."
Early reports indicate that Beyondme himself seems primed to take the reigns as screenwriter and director, though he plans to maintain control of the set not through his own presence, but through the assistance of several vice writers and vice directors who will make his wishes known to the rest of the film's cast and crew.
While casting for the film's illustrious lead are only just beginning, several actors are chomping at the bit to don Beyondme's vestments-for the role of a lifetime.
Sources close to Beyondme believe he will follow in avant-garde director Todd Hanes' footsteps. Hanes directed 2007's I'm Not There, Please Call Back in Five Minutes, which featured several different actors playing singer-songwriter Blob Dylan. Different actors Beyondme is considering to portray him during different times of his life include Brad Pitt, Daniel Craig, Kathy Bates and Lily Tomlin.
Paula Pupil, a prominent student leader and avid movie buff, will be in line to buy tickets when Beyondme Boarders becomes the blockbuster of the summer of '08. "I'm really excited to see the scene where Beyondme roundhouse kicks a pirate who's about to kidnap the Billiken Bush," Pupil said, referencing the excerpt from the screenplay that has leaked onto the Internet. "I've already pre-ordered my Beyondme action figure."
In order to begin production, University Spokesman Jeff Poultry said the University will have to construct a studio. Plans are currently under way to demolish Greasydeck Hall, which currently houses more than half of the freshman class. Cruisin Finally, director of Housing and Residence Life, said that, while there is nowhere else to house the thousands of students this project will displace, "we'll figure something out."
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