As I look across this fine campus and see patches of folks donned in orange, characteristic of Oriflammers, I can’t help but think about the following interview scenario: the interviewer is sitting across from you, perusing your hopefully impressive resume when they stop at the word, “Oriflamme.”

They ask, “What the hell is Oriflamme?” To which you respond, “Ma’am/sir, Oriflamme is a group at Saint Louis University that helps accommodate first-year students’ college transition. We help with the move-in process and attempt to build relationships with freshman. The process lasts about a week, during which we guide the new students to fun events and get them excited about being a Billiken.” “Pithily put,” they respond, “so you were effectively a mover, babysitter and cheerleader, right?”

“…. Yeah,” you say. What else is there to say? That basically sums up exactly what you did for three consecutive years.

The interviewer poses another question: “What were your wages while working for Oriflamme?” “Oh,” you start to falter, “It is actually a volunteer position In fact, we pay $75 to do so.”

At this point, I imagine said interviewer to transform into John Oliver or Stephen Colbert and point out the absurdity of that statement. “So what you’re saying, is that you paid money to move people in, chauffeur them around and cheer them on to each activity? You must be joking.” The prospective employee gets defensive, “But it’s fun!” you cry out a bit too loudly.

Obviously this is not a desirable position to be in. In order to prevent said unfortunate event, I have a modest proposal for you.

This is where I come in, to save you from your blissfully pitiful situation. I’m here to organize you so you can effectively bargain with SLU’s overlords to receive what you are owed.

Oriflammers, your work is extremely important to this University. You are some of the first faces that first year students see. Since Oriflammers are seemingly forced to smile during the duration of their time on duty, you give new students the idea that SLU is either a happy place or a place with no freedom to frown. You help move in these students, wading through the over-protective, the ‘too-many-question’ and unnecessarily angry parents. That’s a minefield. Your bravery deserves recognition. After all, you’re ambassadors to SLU. Ambassadors of the US live in luxurious homes across the world; the least you could get is minimum wage and maybe a $25 gift card to Jimmy John’s.

I’m also not talking about swag. Visors and t-shirts are not difficult to find. I’m sure if you asked nicely you’d get to talk to Mary Bruemmer or Dr. Fred Pestello. If you’re really into orange, perhaps this is the place for you. Regardless, all of this could be done for you as well as getting that green.

I must admit to you all that organizing against your employer is never easy. Countless examples show how local and state governments and companies will depict you as socialist radicals. Your every move will be carefully watched and brutally critiqued. They may attempt to buy off the leaders of the movement or suspend them for a trumped up charge. No, change is never easy, but it is absolutely worth it. I believe in you.

However, if you’d like to avoid the pressure of organizing against a well-funded foe, if you’d like to avoid losing friendships for what you think is right you can remain a happy and unpaid servant to this wonderful University.

Or perhaps I just wished all my friends had come hung out with Dusty and I all of these years. We missed you.