I love a good love story. Adam and Eve. Romeo and Juliet. Jack and Rose. Taylor and a Kennedy. Baby, just say yes!
The best thing about a love story is the people. After all, two is better than one. My favorite part of Harry Potter is when Ron finally gets the girl. What better magic than love after war, safe and sound after the defeat of the enemy. It’s riveting, it’s enchanting, it’s burning red!
Unfortunately, I’ve never had a good love story.
I did, however, once date a Taylor Swift. Here’s the story of us.
We were in high school, Taylor and I. Having never actually “gone out” with someone, well, I was a little scared. Innocent, if you will. But, after an extensive courtship that saw her date my best friend first, I took the leap and said, “Taylor, baby, you belong with me.” Pretty fearless, if I do say so myself.
She said yes.
I should have known she was trouble.
She should have said no.
See, it turns out that I’m one of those rare guys that finds hopeless romance, well, romantic. Taylor was my world. There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t pass notes, hold hands at the lunch table, kiss each other goodbye in the junior parking lot after school. I bought her flowers, and she put a smile on my face everyday.
You should have seen me then. She had beautiful eyes. She captivated me like a firework show. I was wonderstruck, enchanted; it was flawless, really something.
I was ready to propose. It was a state of grace.
She called it off after four months.
Which brings me to the singing, song-writing Taylor Swift. It seems to me you can’t have a civil conversation about her without getting into an argument. Maybe she should run for president.
My cousin can’t stand Taylor Swift. According to her, Taylor can’t sing, can’t dance and can’t write good music. Why does she have to be so mean?
But what my cousin can’t deny is that Taylor Swift has grown up with us, and the words she sings are so relatable, so real, that she has seemingly written our life stories into song. How can it be that a 22-year-old can write better songs than Tim McGraw?
I think I know why, and since this is my column, I get to tell you. Any objections? Speak now. Okay, here we go.
See, Taylor is just one of us, searching for her white horse and someone to have and hold forever and always. Isn’t that the great quest of humanity, to find that perfect, simple, everlasting love? There’s something about teenage heartbreak that defines us.
I’m still haunted by my high school break up. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Like, ever.
Wait. No, my parents’ divorce was. I lied.
I wonder what Taylor would have to say about my love life.
I also wonder what would have happened if Taylor and I were still dating. The non-singing Taylor, that is.
Yes, yes, I can see it now.
There we are, hand-in-hand, walking around the Arch, going to Cardinals games, writing obnoxiously cute love notes to each other on Facebook. We sit in a café and our song comes on.
Too bad Taylor hated Taylor Swift. I assume she still does, but hey, people change.
Taylor broke my heart all those years ago. She’s married now, don’t you know. Apparently she’s not sorry, and we are never getting back together.